can the devil speak true?
by tiniestoftrees
Summary: At least it didn't hurt at first. Well, that's what Shion always told himself anyways. Looking at Nezumi was like looking directly at the sun. He couldn't understand why he did it, but he did it anyway. Before he realized it, the outer corners of his eyes would start to drip and before he can raise his hand to reach and wipe them dry, he was crying.


**Can the devil speak true?**

At least it didn't hurt at first. Well, that's what Shion always told himself anyways.

Looking at Nezumi was like looking directly at the sun. He couldn't understand why he did it, but he did it anyway. Before he realized it, the outer corners of his eyes would start to drip and before he can raise his hand to reach and wipe them dry, he was crying.

 **Ten years ago**

Nezumi laid soundly, almost peaceful beside him. Shion, a small bundle of naivety and bliss, stared up at the ceiling trying to figure out what he did in life to become so lucky. For once in his life he was not only breathing, he was living . He couldn't fathom how it was for him to live before this, and how the others back home did too. The adrenaline that pumped through his face made him feel alive, because before then, he couldn't tell if he was living or simply existing. Sure, Shion was able to count ribs down his torso then, but all thanks to Nezumi- he felt as if his breaths were not only the rise and fall of his chest, but the in and outtake of the world.

Laying beside him felt so surreal. Shion often caught himself resisting the urge to touch him. Not in the sense for anything drastic, just a reach out into the void. A small touch- some sort of reassurance that he was there, that this was real and in the morning after he wouldn't awaken to silence. Everything was so loud there.

And he loved it.

Before, his world was handed to him on a silver platter, where was the joy in living where everything felt defaulted? Nezumi made his hair stand on end, his knees weak when Nezumi would brush past him for a sudden reaction. In the simplest of terms, he was in matter of fact drawn to him, whether Nezumi liked it or not.

It didn't seem like enough now.

 **Nine years ago**

The wall is broken, along with Shion's grip on reality. He could've sworn this was all a bad dream and that he would awaken the next day to Nezumi beside him, but the hope was in vain. Safu was gone and so was whatever innocence he had left. Although Shion had proved Nezumi wrong, that you create your own if there doesn't seem to be a third option, he still felt as if he was waiting for some great storm to pass. The only problem was he couldn't tell what or who the storm was.

The only thing that Shion was definitely sure of was that the world isn't black or white, but a definite shade of grey. Nezumi was always stuck on the idea that you were either on one side of the wall or the other, wrong or right, and good or bad. That was one thing he seemed to have gotten wrong. Shion knew that there was a balance for everything, that whatever great good comes with a great bad, and oh god waking up alone again felt so bad.

Everything is different now but at least before Shion had changes' shaking grip tight in his hands. Now the thought of change makes his skin prickle and bottom lip quiver. Maybe change only hurt when you let yourself get too comfortable.

This has only been the first year without him. He promised a return and Nezumi has never proved himself a liar to Shion.

He'll come back.

 **Eight years ago**

It's been two years now. The child that Shion had rescued during the cleaning operation, "Shion", has taken a great liking to Inukashi. (Despite how much Inukashi claims having baby Shion around is a pain in the ass, Shion still catches him tucking the child in as they slept.)

Out of a habit he never knew how he caught, Shion visited the West Block every so often, mostly to check in on Inukashi and Nezumi's home.

Nezumi's books still had a fine layer of dust blanketing them the same way they did before. Shion glanced at Nezumi's copies of Macbeth andHamlet and grew a sudden interest in his mice.

Shion broke a tiny piece off a loaf of bread and set the crumbs down gently. He failed to answer himself why.

 **Seven years ago**

Time does not heal all wounds, just replaces them with new memories. Sure, overtime open wounds are covered with tissue, leaving a scar where time might not ever fade. But at that point, most people forget the wound was even there in the first place. Shion can only hope his were that easy to forget.

Shion dazed off while working at his mother's bakery, asking himself countless of questions regarding how Nezumi was or what he must have done to make him leave when he needed him the most. Shion couldn't tell whether or not to be angry at or pity Nezumi for his lack of compassion. Shion's reality was shaken in ways no one could ever describe, and the only person he had to share with this was gone. He's sure that Nezumi's lack of compassion comes from how he was hardly shown it, but he had hoped that Nezumi would had pushed that aside to help him. Maybe if he was less naive, or less of a nuisance to Nezumi he would have stayed. He would trade anything to have him back in his life again.

At least from this experience Shion learns that it's best not to expect anything from anyone. That way you would never be disappointed or left trying to find reasons why something never worked.

Karan stopped herself from tapping Shion's shoulder and pulling her son out of whatever trance he was in. His knuckles were snow white from kneading the dough too hard. She chose to ignore his foggy eyes, it was best not to ask about the one who broke his heart.

 **Six years ago**

Just like Karan, Inukashi and Rikiga knew it was best not to mention him. At this point now, Inukashi has began to worry about Nezumi's side of the bargain for getting intel on the correctional facility. If Inukashi were to suffer, approaching death's cold kiss, would Nezumi still come to numb the pain?

Inukashi was given the luxury of never having to care about someone else besides themselves before, but he's grown wary of how Shion feels now. Based on the wavering uncertainty of Nezumi's return, everyone including Inukashi, can barely fathom Shion's feelings without him.

Inukashi wishes he would have slit Nezumi's throat while he had the chance. At least then Shion would have hated him instead of himself.

 **Five years ago**

"It's a library on a Sunday afternoon," Shion explained to Inukashi with a smile. His hair is brown now, box dyes are easy to work with when your hair is stripped white. The others began to worry about him after he did this however.

"So... you're not upset... At all?" Inukashi questioned, highly confused at whatever analogy Shion was trying to get across. "What does being lonely have to do with books?"

Shion hesitated before answering, taking a long sip from his tea. The sweat from the mug warmed his hands. "See people go to libraries when they want to read books correct?" Inukashi nods. "Well imagine the lonely being a library when it is closed, you know since libraries are typically closed for Sundays. The books are still there but without all the people they really have no purpose. There is no one there to read them." Shion tilted his head to the side a bit as his roamed around the room. It was an odd feeling being able to finish a sentence without getting cut off and called inarticulate. Although his analogy didn't exactly do him justice, it made sense in his head anyways. The more he tried to explain it, the more confused he became. Nezumi was always better with words.

Inukashi gave Shion a long, steady look before crossing his arms and looking away, "Well I don't see the point in reading when life is always in the way. It's a dumb pastime anyways."

Shion smiled down at his mug and swirled the tea leaves with his spoon.

 **Four years ago**

Karan urged Shion to talk to a counselor, a therapist, or anyone who could help her son in ways she knew she couldn't. She knew Shion was trying to cope by keeping himself constantly busy with working or volunteering, but she was worried that he would break. Karan knew that Shion was one to keep a leveled head under stress but she didn't want him to become overwhelmed. This wasn't the way to distract himself from the death he had seen and how cruel the world can be.

She knew he missed Safu and blamed himself for her death, she knew he shook hands with death too many times in the amount of time he was gone, she knew the change in his appearance wasn't only skin deep and that he's had more than enough of a fair share with disappointment.

Shion had tried to find someone he could find refuge in. He tried to date but found himself following a similar pattern with men. All had a different shade of gray eyes and black hair, but none that was close enough to _his._

Shion didn't know why he bothered, he knew he couldn't let himself go back to his old ways, to a habit he never fully kicked. He never meant to date the men with the pale skin and soft face, this wasn't what he sought out to find. They were drawn to him the way he was to them, but this wasn't what he needed, not what he wanted. Even though Shion just couldn't place his finger on exactly what he wanted anymore. Not only did he feel lost, he felt completely and utterly alone.

 **Three years ago**

If Shion had the privilege of seeing Nezumi again, he would kiss his knuckles before punching him in the face. Shion's only wish was to make Nezumi hurt the way he did for the past seven years. He erased the fairytale image of Nezumi from his brain, he forgot how lovely he performed on stage, how his voice echoed off the walls when he spoke. He erased anything he could of him until he was left with his name and the hurt he left.

Shion hated himself for the fact he could wake up one day and forget why the earth rotates on its axis, that all things are held back by gravity, _his own goddamn name_ , and still remember Nezumi's. He hated how Nezumi forgot him so easily.

Sometimes Shion wished that when he brought that gun to his head all those years ago, that Nezumi let him pull the trigger. At least then he wouldn't have head to deal with all this regret. Maybe if he was captured before Nezumi came when they were 16, Safu would still be alive, he wouldn't have had to see the horrors he had, the reality of what No.6 really was, and worst of all get attached to Nezumi.

 **Two years ago**

Shion came to the conclusion that Nezumi was never coming back. He stopped checking on his home, checking for any signs of mice, and rereading the same passages of Macbeth Nezumi had read to him. The only thing Shion has left to do his heal and accept this as an experience and let it pass.

Shion still dyed his hair and covered his scar. This was a part of his routine he had came to live with and will continue to live with for the rest of his life.

A few years back, Shion had quit his job with the reconstructional committee and got a job at the local library for a reason he never seemed to know. Now he figures it was something related to Nezumi, so he quit his job and stopped hoping one day he would walk in and check out whatever novel he would.

Maybe these are little changes but Shion has grown to respect all change and just roll with the punches.

 **One year ago**

If a few years ago Shion knew he would be dating a fellow coworker from the reconstructional committee, he would have never had quit his job. He was sweet, caring, and everything Shion needed at the moment. Shion wishes he could have met him sooner.

When Shion introduced him to Karan, she was overjoyed. Of course, she would never admit to Shion that it was mostly because he moved on, but she was still thankful that he found happiness nonetheless.

For once in what seemed like forever, Shion was finally content with his life.

 **Now**

Shion was helping with Karan's bakery like he normally would any given weekend. He didn't expect anything different to occur, but when it did he was a cold, hard slap in the face.

Nezumi paraded into the bakery as if no time had past at all. Shion could tell however, the years didn't favor him all too kindly. Although Nezumi grew taller, he was much lankier than he was before. Tiny bruises glowed on his arms, and some on his neck. But with time and experience, Shion can very much tell those are a very different kind of mark.

Nezumi nodded at Shion and pointed to a lemon pastry, "Can I get two of those?"

Shion suppresses the urge to punch him square in the face. Yes, Shion has accepted his life now as it is but the fact that Nezumi can show up abruptly without seeming phased at all, makes his blood boil. Alas, Shion ignores this and stuffs the two lemon pastries into a bag.

"That will be 2.50." Shion replies without looking at Nezumi whatsoever. Instead, he stares at the cash register and tries to keep his composure.

Nezumi stops himself from frowning at this, he knew what he did was wrong but he didn't expect Shion to act like this. He halfheartedly thought he would smile, light up, or at least cry. Then again, ten years is a long time. He didn't even expect to him to dye his hair.

"Can you at least look at me?"

Shion shoots him a cold glare and places the bag on the counter, "Cash or credit?"

"Do you honestly believe I wouldn't carry 2.50 on me?" Nezumi scoffs and reaches into his pocket, pulling out 3 dollar bills.

Shion shrugs and takes Nezumi's money, giving back his change in the same moment, "I don't know, I don't know your life. And frankly, I don't care to."

Nezumi raises a brow, taken back that this is the same person he met when he was twelve. Then again, maybe he isn't the same. "I see you've sharpened your tongue."

"I see you're still an asshole. Now take your bag and go."

"Hey, hey I promised a reunion didn't I? Your Majesty, I always keep my promises."

Shion contemplates whether or not he should. He remembers the overwhelming amount of bad memories of being alone compared to the good he shared with him. But now Shion's life is finally looking up for him, he got a promotion at his work, he's moving in with his boyfriend, he's gotten comfortable. He doesn't want anymore changes.

Shion shakes his head, "Well, here I am and here you are, we've interacted after a decade of silence..." Shion mutters under his breath, "...Mostly from your end, this has much as a reunion we're going to have. Glad you 'kept' your promise, now here," he hands the pastry bag to him, "Go."

Nezumi takes the bag and remains silent. He opens his mouth to say something but chooses not to. He can't say he's not happy that Shion has grown a strong backbone since he left, he just hoped he knew how to respond.

Shion feels like a weight has been lifted off his chest. He feels a sense of empowerment from leaving Nezumi dumbfounded, hopefully he'd get a taste for how Shion felt all those years. Nezumi had been running away all this time and lost what exactly he was running towards, and where he started running from.

Nezumi leaves the bakery and Shion at last, feels free.


End file.
